i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
