I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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