im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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