I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just found a bag of teeth...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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