Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
