Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
