Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
