he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
