I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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