doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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