New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
