I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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