it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
