There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
