It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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