In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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