the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
