whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So many bounce houses so little time
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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