i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
