I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
MIDGETS
????
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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