Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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