If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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