it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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