i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
