Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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