And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
