I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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