all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
