I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
