So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
