hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
