Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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