I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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