ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
