you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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