apparently the secret to your success is patron
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You've changed since you got that strap on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
