I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
