Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
