For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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