How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
