And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
