I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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