He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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