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I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Are my feet made of real feet?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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