the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
