So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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