I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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