I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
