and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize