I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
