Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
