If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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