getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
