I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
