I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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