hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
