sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
