i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
