he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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