hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
