I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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