True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just gift wrapped bread.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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